When my buddy Bryan turned 21, we went to a bar in Boston called Our House by BU (where Bryan was a student). One of his friends was a bartender at the bar and, upon our group entering, he tied a brown plastic bucket around Bryan's neck as a catch basin for the inevitable puking to come. The rest of us then initiated a pool of $5 apiece to go to the person who bought Bryan the shot that made him throw up. With friends like these...
Bryan hung tough for quite awhile and he's not a big guy. Eventually the heavy artillery came out and we (I can't remember who) ordered the old standby "Three Wise Men" shot, in this case made with Jack Daniels, Johnny Walker (Red), and Jose Cuervo. Bryan gamely threw it back but promptly spit it into the bucket with a loud, drunken "No!" It was a voluntary spit from the mouth, so the pool remained intact. Bryan then excused himself to go to the rest room, removing the bucket strapped around his neck and placing it on the bar.
Earlier in the night, Bryan had used the bucket as a repository for buffalo chicken wing bones. He also had on a few occasions spit into the bucket after a particularly nasty shot. There may have been some other lovelies in the bucket but alas their existence (and proportion) are now lost to history. Bryan should not have left the bucket.
Whilst he was gone, another of Bryan's "friends" obtained a bar strainer from the bartender and strained the contents of the bucket back into a shot glass. That resulted in the "Return of the Three Wise Men," which is roughly comprised of the original three ingredients of a Three Wise Men strained through buffalo chicken wing bones in a plastic bucket mixed with one's own spit and assorted detritus.
When Bryan returned from the bathroom, he gamely tried (again) to throw the shot back. This time he actually swallowed it, and instantaneously vomited it back into the bucket. The story (if you're still with me) does not end there...
Bryan puked a fair amount into that bucket, which he then took off his neck and placed in front of him on a cafe table in a small room at the back of the bar. For reasons I cannot quite explain, the bucket (and its contents) remained there for awhile while guys continued to drink, tell stories, etc. Until... In one particularly animated moment, Bryan gesticulated a little too wildly with his hands while telling a story and...hit the bucket. What ensued was the single moment in my life which most seemed to occur in slow motion. As the bucket began to tip, roughly a dozen guys, in an attempt to avoid the coming onslaught of vomit, tried simultaneously to squeeze through the door to the little room to which we had adjoined. Most of the guys ended up in a pile just through the doorway, except poor Stuart. Stuart had been seated directly across from Bryan with the doorway directly behind his chair/stool. When the bucket started to go and everybody ran for the door, Stuart was prevented from pushing his chair back to get out of the way. I only met Stuart once but he sure left a lasting impression. I believe the bartender friend loaned him a shirt.
Great submission, Shawn. Can it be topped? What say you readers?
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